I'm taking my new paddleboard out for the first time today. I brought it out a few months ago, but I didn't use it, just let my professor's Tom Hallock's kid use it as kind of a "thank you" for helping me with my thesis and my writing. Tom, not his kid. See, this is why I needed his help – my modifiers are all wrong. Also, I tend to use passive voice a lot, which is weird because I had that bitch of a teacher my sophomore who failed me if I used on "to be" verb in a paper. For years I obsessively edited out passive voice, but apparently I got better. Yay me. Now my writing isn't as great as it should be.

But back to the board. I bought it for myself as a graduation present, but I bought it early because I found a...